To The Guy In The Checkered Shirt

Hi.

The moment I laid my eyes on you, I was already mesmerized.

I don’t know you. I don’t know your name. I don’t know the sound of your voice. I don’t know whether you like coffee black or whether you like it sweet. I don’t know your quirks, your humor, your moods, or your tells.

All I know is right from the start, I was infatuated by you.

You stood there at the aisle of the bus. Your left hand was outstretched, holding on to the railing. Your back was to me but I can see the profile of your face.

My god, you are handsome. One of the prettiest faces I have ever seen. I traced the outline of your face, from your forehead, to your pointed nose, to the curve of your lips. You turned your face to the side and  I was again mesmerized by the length of your lashes and how, as if in slow motion, they fanned your pretty face when you looked down.

A few minutes into the drive, your posture started to slump. Is your feet starting to protest from standing too long? You looked at your watch. Are you going to be late? You received a text message and replied. Is that someone special? Do you already have someone special in your life?

Twenty minutes. Twenty-nine minutes in your presence and my day was already complete. You looked my way when you were about to get out but I did not meet your glance. I stared at the television overhead. The crowd of passengers getting off the bus blocked my view of you.

I wish I could have looked at you a little bit longer.

I know it might be creepy but my hopelessly romantic heart started to fall into the idea of the what ifs. What if I stared back? What if you did not go down? What if I smiled at you and you smiled back?

But twenty-nine minutes is all I got and the what ifs will remain as that.

To the guy in the checkered shirt, thank you for making my heart feel alive this morning. I hope you have someone who makes you feel like that everyday. 🙂

This is my heart saying goodbye

I used to think that when my heart would break, it would be something akin to the end of the world. Like those scenes where buildings collapse, grounds splitting wide open, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, and all kinds of disasters known to man.

I never thought my heart would break silently. It broke with delicacy, not even creating any kind of ripple in the wind. Not even creating a sound loud enough to reach your ears for you to recognize what you just did.

And I guess that was it. That has always been the case. My heart is trapped in a soundproof chest, its desires never to be heard. No matter how loud it screams for you, your ears will never hear it. No matter how much it cries for you, your hands will never dry its tears.

My heart’s voice is starting to get tired from all the screaming, it’s eyes swollen from all the crying. It’s time I took charge. This time I’m cradling my own heart, comfort it until it forgets your name and I’ll make sure it won’t shed a single tear for you anymore.

This is my heart saying goodbye.

I’m currently taking a short break from studying because, hell, I’m in desperate need of one. I’ve been working on my desk since morning, my back is aching, and my butt is going flat. A few more minutes of this and I’m going to go crazy!

I love learning but I’m the kind of learner who learns from experience rather than from textbooks. That’s why long theoretical gibberish captures my attention for only about three seconds. And that’s also the reason why after I only (usually) study for exams at a date near the actual exam itself. I tend to forget the things I read after I’ve exhausted them on the exam.

It’s frustrating, though. Like for example, this subject, Auditing Theory. It’s the third/fourth time I’ve studied this subject but I still understand a few of them. Granted, everytime I review, I always find new things to learn, new things to focus on but seriously, what the heck? Why can’t I just retain everything on my mind?

I know AT is an interesting subject. I want to love it especially with my desire to work at ang auditing firm but I just can’t get a tighter grasp on it. 

I’m a learner from experience. Maybe once I get a job (after I pass the Board, of course), I’ll understand it better. Once I apply everything and once I act on the things I only get to read, maybe. But right now, let me procrastinate. 

Sweet Talker

Kahapon nagpa-picture kami para sa memorabilia ng batch namin. Haggard ako nang dumating sa school at haggard nang makarating sa makeup station.

Nung magpapa-picture na ko, natameme ako bigla. Naisip ko kasi, “Oo nga, may hitsura nga yung photographer.

Marami kasing mga nauna sa akin na magpapicture. Lahat sila ang comment, ang gwapo raw nung photographer. Eh nung nasa loob na ko ng room at nakita siya sa malayuan, sabi ko hindi naman. Kasi ang layo niya kaya di ko makita. Malabo pa yung mata ko. Hahaha. Pero nung nakita ko ng malapitan tsaka nakapag-eye-to-eye na kami, shemay! kahit hindi niya sabihin na mag-smile ako, mapapangiti talaga ako. Nalaman ko later na Von yung pangalan niya.

Plano ko talagang manahimik lang sa buong isang minutong nakatayo ako doon. Kaso bigla siyang nagsalita.

Von: Alam mo, kamukha mo yung asawa ng kuya ko.

Ang awkward sa pakiramdam, pero mas awkward yung sinagot ko.

Ako: Maganda?

Hahahaha! Bwiset, anlandi ko lang.

Von: (ngumiti) Syempre. Mag-aasawa ba naman ang kuya ko ng hindi maganda?

Natameme ako pagkatapos non.

May nilalagay siya sa balikat ko, parte ng toga pero di ko alam yung tawag. Basta. Tapos kinuha niya yung shot. Tapos tinanggal niya yung hawak kong nameplate at pinalitan nung cap.

Inayos niya yung buhok ko sa likod ko.

Von: Ang ikinalamang lang niya sa’yo, mas maputi siya.

Lumayo siya saka kumuha uli ng picture.

Von: 20 ka na no?

Ako: Oo.

Von: Sabi na nga ba. Kabatch ko lang kayo eh.

Tapos picture uli siya.

Yun na ata yung huli niyang sinabi. Wala na akong maalala. Masyado akong nas-starstruck sa kanya. Hindi ko talaga napigilang tumingin sa mata niya. Ang ganda kasi.

Kaso pagkatapos nung encounter, medyo nawala na yung glow ng flirtation niya (glow ng flirtation! hahahahaha.) Kasi halos lahat din ng classmates at schoolmates ko na pinicture-an niya, kinakausap niya rin ng ganon. Flirt talaga siya, sobra.

Wala namang masama doon pero habang dumarami yung kwento ng encounters sa kanya na naririnig ko, nawawala yung feeling ng pagiging special ko.

Ganon pala yung feeling. Now I know.