Is it real or just another crush?

Hi there. 

You should probably know that I find you cute. Although every time you provoke me and tease me, saying that I find you cute, I would altogether deny it. I would just roll my eyes and tell you you’re crazy and you’re so full of yourself but at the same time, I could feel my cheeks blush because I find it hard to deny it. You really are cute. You’re adorkable, even. 

You should also know that I find you smart. Like every time a question forms in my head, I could always turn to you and get answers    I like that you don’t make fun of me for not knowing stuff but instead make it a point that I learn from you. 

I like how at times you make fun of yourself and do not get insecure when I tease you. Because you would always tease me back. I like how easily we fell into this camaraderie and how we do not get awkward around each other. I like that I could be myself when I’m around you. 

The bottom line is, I like you. It’s been a long time since I’ve genuinely liked a boy the way I like you and it stirs this crazy feeling in my chest. I look at you and then you’ll flash me your silly grin and my mind goes blank and my heart starts to race. And sometimes when you’re not looking, I stare at your face and note the strong line of your jaw and the slant of your nose. The way you bite your lips when you’re stressed. The way your eyes squint when you stare at your work for too long. The way you hair falls in front of your face and how I want to brush it away so I can stare at your features a few moments longer. 

I try so hard to make the feeling go away. I see your faults and your flaws and still I chose to stay. But the choice is not really mine to make. For you have a girl, and the girl is not me. 

Your eyes light up when you speak her name. Your deep voice hints at how proud and how lucky you are to be hers. I just hope that she also finds herself lucky to have a guy like you to call hers. 


Tumaya Na Tayo Sa Lotto

Lotto. Lahat tayo gustong tumaya. Syempre, sa maliit na puhunang ibibigay mo, kapag sinuwerte kang makakuha ng jackpot, instant milyonaryo ka na. Effortless. Naglagay ka lang ng ilang numero, mga numerong importante sa’yo, mga numerong may significance sa buhay mo. At laking saya na lang kapag iyong mga numerong iyon pa ang nagdala sa’yo ng swerte.

Se-segue lang muna ako ng konti sa topic. Medyo segue lang naman pero hindi ba ang pagtataya sa lotto ay parang pagtataya sa love? Ayiiie, Aira in love ka ba? Bakit ganyan ka kung makapagsulat. Tinamaan ka na ba (finally) ng pana ni Kupido? 

The answer is: NO. Naisip ko lang kasi ‘to dahil sa convo namin ni Patrishia: 


Paano ka mananalo sa lotto kung hindi ka naman tumataya? Paano ka mananalo sa love kung hindi ka naman tumataya? 

Yung mga tumataya sa lotto, hindi naman lahat sila baguhan sa ginagawa nila. Minsan na rin silang natalo. Pagkatapos abangan yung combination na lalabas at makakita man lang ng isang numerong hindi tugma, napanghihinaan na yan ng loob. Pero pagkatapos matalo, tataya pa rin ‘yan. Kasi hindi pa rin nawawala yung hope na baka tumama na sila sa susunod. Iyon siguro ang magandang characteristic na pwedeng makuha sa mga manunugal na ‘to. 

See, ganon naman talaga ang pagmamahal. Isang sugal, parang lotto kung saan taya ka nang taya hanggang sa manalo ka. Hindi laging jackpot. Kailangan mo munang matalo ng ilang beses bago ka mag-decide kung itutuloy mo ang pag-take ng risk o titigil ka na kasi nauubusan ka na… ng pera. HAHAHAHA! 

Minsan, all it takes is that one chance, that one risk, that one bente pesos. 


Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You

What if, in another universe, I deserve you?

Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.

Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.

For instance:

In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.

Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.

Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.

Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.

Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.

If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.

You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.

If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be one universe — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.

So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse.

Well, isn’t that comforting?

If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?

Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you


Gaby Dunn; Thought Catalog

Grand Gestures

Ayokong ikwento yung buong love story ni Kuya Marc at ni Ate Shie kasi medyo hindi ko naman din kasi alam yung buo. Basta parang ang angsty ng pagkakaget-together nila. And it happened in college. Sa totoo lang, mala-fairytale nga yung story nila. Basta, parang nung narinig ko, mas naniwala ako sa true love and […]