Neutral

While I’m waiting for this stupid Powerpoint presentation to download and trying my damn hardest to block out my mother’s jealous tirade about my father, I’m going to write a post. 

I don’t know what to write, actually. I’m not feeling too sad or too happy to write anything sad or happy. I feel neutral. Not sad, not happy, but neutral. It’s a welcomed feeling. I feel calm and collected. I feel as if I have nothing to worry about. 

But that’s just an illusion. Sooner, my emotions will get hyper and it’ll either be me getting too sad or me getting too happy. Maybe even too angry, but I’ve never been angry my entire life. Maybe not consciously. I consider myself a nice person incapable of having anger issues.

But then, I just realized, that I do get angry. But instead of being angry at someone, I get depressingly sad (I know, redundant) because I don’t want to be angry. That I’m being angry at someone really settles heavily on my chest and it makes me sad.

And it makes me reflect too much, mind you. I need to finish my report. My download is already through and my mother is already quiet so, I’ll continue what I was previously doing and be neutral for the rest of the day. Long live neutrality! 

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